It has been suggested that perhaps I offered a low-key introduction of myself as music writer on the Manliest Blog Of Them All. I stand by my love of Buena Vista, yet here, as a sort of reintroduction, is a collection of videos from 5 of the metalest bands I have seen. Metal and I have a long, long history. My first concert was a Cannibal Corpse show Junior year of high school, and if I get in a room quiet enough, I'm fairly certain I can still hear the amp ringing. That's how you know the metal is in your head. Here are 5 kickass videos from those days, before rap-rock and tribal tats made society collectively douchier.
Black Sabbath - "War Pigs"
Believe it or not, Ozzy Osbourne was not always a shambling joke of a man. Or if he was, at least he had the foresight not to wave that shit around in public. I saw the original Black Sabbath lineup a mere handful of months before Ozzy stopped being Ozzy Osbourne and started being That Hilarious Mumbling Guy With The Shrew Wife. I sort of wish I could forget everything from Ozzy after 1998. "War Pigs" is still sweet, though.
The Haunted - "Bury Your Dead"
I swear, this band was sent down from Central Casting. They're exactly - EXACTLY - what you think of when you think of European metal. They've still got the melodic guitars, but they scream like everyone in every metal band was legally required to do at the turn of the century. Imagine going to your first concert, and seeing the first opening band, and the bald, glowering singer comes up and says, in a heavy Swedish accent: "This is from our album, 'The Haunted Made Me Do it.' It's called Bury. Your. Dead." If you wrote that scene in a movie about metal, people would think it was lazy and unoriginal. It's pretty much exactly what The Haunted does every night.
Tool - "Parabola"
Oh for the days when children could still be traumatized by something on basic cable. Growing up, Tool's early videos did just that. Now MTV is all horrible shows about people from New Jersey. Where's the metal, you bastards?
Meshuggah - "New Millenium Cyanide Christ"
Yes it sounds like the song title was made on a Norweigan metal magnetic poetry set, but the timing in this song is unreal. The clear lack of a budget in this video makes them look slightly ridiculous, but rest assured, they will fuck your world up.
Hatebreed - "Last Breath"
Short and sweet. When you bought a Hatebreed album, you were lucky if it went past 30 minutes. I imagine it would be hard to produce this kind of aggression over a double album.
Okay, so we've covered Cuban music and screaming, fiery heavy metal. Next up: Everything else.